Hari Ini

Hari ini aku telah keluar makan lunch ngan Zu setelah sekian lama tak bersosial di waktu rehat. Than I received a surprise call dari kawan yang aku agak sayang jugak la..K-Lynn yang baru sahaja selesai bermeeting di Putrajaya. Sangatlah terharu dengan kesudian dia berjumpa aku, meluangkan masa bertanya khabar, berborak-borak dan ngumpat-ngumpat (no harm done) walaupun telah tersesat untuk ke food court UNITEN. Kat sana gak aku telah terjumpa Astar dan Sufirdaus (aku ingat nama ko!). Hmm...setelah hampir empat tahun berkhidmat dalam service ni, makin payah nak keep in touch ngan semua orang. Tapi aku ni pun bukannya pandai sangat nak mingle-mingle ngan satu batch nie. I know ramai yang ingat aku sombong tapi sebenarnya kalau dah kenal, inshaAllah korang setuju aku ni comel lagi baik hati.. Wakakakakah.

Hari ni jugak aku telah menghantar ke tailor sepasang sari unggu hadiah seorang teman yang sangat aku rindu. Orang itu nampaknya masih tahu akan taste aku yang agak exquisite nih (hahaha..angkut bakul tu sensorang Yusna). Tersanggat happy kerana ingat gak dia kat aku yang sering melancholic ni.

Dan hari ini jugak, aku telah berjaya mengaplikasikan dark psikologi aku kepada seorang minah ngok ngek kepala kemek di pejabat yang boring ni. Dari nak mengenakan aku, secara ala innocentnya aku telah berjaya meng-U-turnkan niat jahatnya kepada diri dia sendiri. Sonang hati den. itu le kekadang aku benci ngan orang sejenis sekaum ni... macam mana nak maju kalau belajar tak tinggi tapi ada PHD? Cubalah hidup bersama aman damai di muka bumi ni tanpa cuba nak tabur pasir dan simen dalam periuk nasi orang yang kekadang besar periuk tapi ciput isinya. Kalau tolong dapat gak pahala. Ini tidak, jahat dan keji pulak tu. Mujurlah Allah beri aku petunjuk dan hidayah untuk menangkis anasir jahat dia dengan kebijaksanaan akal dan ketulusan budi..chewah! Aku haraplah lepas ni dia akan berhenti membuat noda dan dosa kepada hidup insan-insan lain, seterusnya memfokuskan energi dia untuk menyiapkan kertas kerja pada masa yang ditetapkan.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin..

Oh Schmucking Tut Tut!

I just realized that if I spent more time in front of my TV exercising with fitness videos than browsing through numerous pages of EBay, I can gradually loose this baby fat that is not so phat at all. On the other hand though, I will not be able to hone my bidding skill which is, given the circumstances of my life, is such a big loss. Hmm... no wonder my bank account suffer deficits even before the end of the pay day.

Tetapi, tahukah anda bahawa shopping online ini bukan sahaja addictive tetapi sangat seronot? Tak payah pakai baju lawa-lawa, tak de sales girls lulusan SPM memandang remeh dengan muka kerek semata-mata kerana anda tak leh nak memilih sama ada nak lipstick Dior colour brown fig atau nude beige. Lagi pun tak de le kengkawan yang buat muka ngeri kalau tahu yang kita baru jek habiskan beriban untuk beli sebuah beg tangan yang ada tajuk & original. It's a simple pleasure yang exhilirating giler. It's best done solo....hampir-hampir pengsan bila berjaya bid authentic Coach Hampton for a friction of cost.

Anyway, aku tau ada yang skeptical. Tapi belum try belum tau. Silap-silap ada plak yang boleh jadi E-bayholic macam aku nanti..

Hmmm...apo nak di kato?

Hey, it's OK...

.... to be entirely unapologetic about your hermit streak. (What are you, a socialite?)

.... to order an uncool drink at the bar. Virgin Mary, anyone?

.... if you've got a teeny-weeny crush on your best friend's boyfriend. Acting on crush : not OK!

.... to put real thought into decorating your cubicle. Hey, you kind of live there.

...to check yourself out in the mirror the second you get home from the gym, and think hello Skinny!

... to pig out and regret later.

.... to shop at F.O.S or Reject Shop. It's your money, who cares?

.... to cry when you watch Hindi movie.

.... to be different in everything. So what if you like to wear underwear over your pants? Superman do it all the time and still cool. For God sake's, he's a Superhero.

.... to be fashionably late sometimes .

.... to be broke in the middle of the month and still go out shopping for makeup/clothes or perfume. You deserve a treat for such hard time!

.... to be fat and still think you are sexy. I do!

I Believe.....

"I Believe......"

.... that sometimes when everything's going wrong, the best thing to do is sleep.

.... that you should never make someone a priority when they see you as an option.

.... that men are as emotional as women, and women are as sexual as men - we just have different ways of showing it.

.... that friends walk in the door when everyone else walks out.

.... that when you find the right career, it doesn't feel like you're working.

.... that snail mail from a friend beats an e-mail, Facebook message, voice mail or sms any day.

.... that it hurts when you love someone so much, be it friends, family or spouse.

.... that if you are thin, you'll be appreciated more cos most people are shallow, judgmental, insensitive.

.... that if you save the money spend shopping in Ebay, you can have exotic vacation annually.

.... that everybody needs a massage for their ego from time to time. It feels good.

.... that everybody have insanity streaks in them.

...that everything in life is about timing!

Story to Share, Life to Ponder

My Loveless Marriage

Why divorce wasn't the answer to my emptiness.

Judy Bodmer

(This story has been edited however due to religious issues. But I hope, whatever our Faith and Belief is we share what God has created for mankind - LOVE and HOPE)

I lay in bed staring at the darkness. My husband, Larry, was snoring softly beside me. We'd just had another fight. I could hardly remember what had started it, but I knew we'd both said ugly, hateful things. Nothing had been resolved. We'd just gotten tired. Now he slept and I lay here, feeling utterly alone.

I crawled out of bed to check on our two sons. David, such a handful while awake, looked like an angel even though his face was sticky from the ice cream he'd eaten earlier. I pulled Matthew's covers back on his small body and smoothed his blond head. He needed a haircut. Working full-time, with two small sons to referee and a house to keep clean, I never had enough time to do it all.

Something drew me to the window. I could see the lights from downtown Seattle. So many people. What were they doing? Were they as lonely as I was? Was there anyone out there who cared? God, I cried, help me find the strength to leave.

Hitting the Wall

After ten years of marriage, I wanted out. Our love hadn't died in the heat of this battle or any other battle. It had died at the bottom of a wall it couldn't climb.

Our love hadn't died in the heat of the battle. It had died at the bottom of a wall it couldn't climb.

I remember clearly the day I laid the first brick. We'd been married nine months. We went to a movie and I waited for Larry to reach over and take my hand, thus proving the magic was still there. But he didn't and, as the movie progressed, I grew hurt and angry. He shrugged it off, surprised I was upset over such a little thing. To him it was nothing; to me it was the first sign our love wasn't perfect.

As the years passed, I added more bricks. When we were first married, he called me every day from work. But slowly those phone calls grew further apart and finally stopped. When I brought it up, he started calling again, but it wasn't the same. When we watched TV in the evening, he'd fall asleep. When we went out for dinner, he couldn't think of anything to say. His days off were measured by how much he got done—chores, work, and the children took priority. I got the crumbs, and I was starving.

I felt guilty for feeling the way I did; he wasn't abusive, he didn't run around with other women, he didn't drink or do drugs. He came home every night and worked hard to support our family. Despite this, the wall grew, built with bricks of buried anger, unmet needs, silences, and cold shoulders. The marriage books we read made things worse; counseling confused the issues.

Divorce seemed like the only answer. It would give me a chance to start over and find the right person. Yes, it would be hard on the children, but when I was finally happy, I'd be a better parent. In the long run, it would be better for all of us.

Divorce's Price Tag

Before taking that big step, I asked myself some key questions. First, would a divorce make me happier? Somewhere I read that people who divorce tend to remarry the same kind of person, that the root of unhappiness isn't in the people we marry but in ourselves. When I looked at my husband, I knew this was true. The trait in Larry that drew me to him—his calm exterior—also drove me crazy. He never complained, criticized, or caused a fuss. The downside was that when situations arose when he should get angry, he didn't. Once he was cheated in a business deal. I wanted him to confront the man who'd lied to him, but he wouldn't. His love of peace kept him from standing up for himself, making me think he was a moral marshmallow. But if I divorced Larry, I knew I'd marry someone with his same peaceful demeanor. And if I did, my problems would be multiplied by his kids, my kids, child support, and custody battles.

I took a long, hard look at the single mothers I knew. They were exhausted and lonely. There was no one to help soothe crying babies, entertain toddlers, shuttle kids to practices, or help with the house, yard, and car.

Could I afford a divorce financially? The average divorce, according to my paralegal friend, costs about $12,000. My salary was good, but when I looked at our household expenses, there would be hardly enough money to live on, let alone extra money to pay lawyers.

Would my children really be better off in the long run? I looked at the children of my friends who'd divorced. Many of these kids started getting into trouble: staying out all night, drinking, doing drugs, and running away. Most of them were angry and blamed themselves for their parents' split. They took it out on their mother. The father became the hero because he wasn't doing the disciplining. Instead, he brought presents, bought a hot car, and took them fun places the mother couldn't afford. Studies show that even 25 years after a split, children can still have significant emotional problems stemming from their parents' divorce.

What about my friends? I assumed they'd be there for me, but was I being realistic? Four of my friends divorced in one year—I didn't see any of them now. Two of them disappeared, one began leading a lifestyle I couldn't support, and another dated men I didn't care for. Even with the best of intentions, if I divorced, I'd probably lose many, if not all, of my friends.

God showed me I might escape my current pain, but in the long run, divorce extracted a high price. One I wasn't willing to pay.

Fanning the Flames

But I refused to settle for the status quo. From experience, I knew I couldn't change my husband. There was only one person I could change: me. I tried new things—taking a writing class, asking a new friend to lunch, volunteering at school.

I discovered love isn't a feeling but an action. I decided to treat Larry with love, even though I didn't feel like it. Instead of pointing out his shortcomings, I told him the things he did right. Instead of reading books to see what Larry should be doing differently, I read to discover how I could be a better wife, mother, and friend.

My change in attitude had an amazing effect on Larry. He began spending more time with me. When I stopped overreacting to his comments, he felt freer to share more with me.

Rekindled

The love I thought had died didn't return in a week, a month, or even in a year. There were times I wanted to give up. But I clung to God's promise that he would give me the desire of my heart.

One weekend Larry and I went away. Before we left, we prayed and drew a line in the sand. Everything that had happened before was over; this was a new beginning. That weekend I experienced a new passion for my husband. The flame I thought was dead was rekindled.

At night when we lay curled up together, I reach over and touch him just to reassure myself he's still there. The love I have is strong. It's born out of suffering and obedience. The pain, tears, and struggles to get to this point were worth it for these rich rewards. There is hope for loveless marriages. Our relationship is living proof.

When Someone You Love Don't Care

When Someone You Love, be it a friend, family or spouse don't care, it rips out your heart and yet you can't bring yourself to hate them. Instead, it make your pathetic self longing for their attention, hoping they will realized that you are still there, peeking around the corner of their life to show that you care. You want to be there, to be everywhere for them. To be something, anything and everything for them. You want a small chunk in their life because you make a big space for them in your heart which leave not even a single room for someone else, even you know they DON'T CARE.

O My God... this is a real pain my pathetic tut tut :(

What is our deepest fear?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Emoticon La Pulak...

Hari nie seperti biasa, I have the whole house to myself. Che Abe sebagaimana rutin Jumaatnya telah keluar bersosial dari saat selesai solat Jumaat hingga sekarang which is like 4.00 am. Semenjak bergelar isteri ni, kehidupan sosial aku semakin pupus. Duduk ler aku dalam umah ihsan Kerajaan setiap malam sepi sepie. Nasib baik ada "macam-macam ada' menemani. Not that I'm complaining tapi ada kalanya teringin gak nak pie open house Hajah Rokiah..

Anyway, dalam aku surf macam-macam chanel terlekat plak pada satu cite berkenaan teenage mom. Sedih lah pulak...aku nie teringin bebenor nak jadi emak. Tambah-tambah lak semenjak Mariah bersalinkan Aqlan nieh. Walaupun aku over dari emak kandungnya, dia tetap anak buah aku jek. Kekadang ghase tension and putus asa ler pulak. Tambah-tambah lagi kalau pi jenjalan, orang asyik tanya "tak ngandung lagi ker?". Hek eleh, dolu aku tak kawin sibuk, nie aku dah kawin skema jawapan dah berubah pulak. Macam nak je ku cilikan molot insan yang tidak pernah makan penampar itew.

I want offsprings so bad that i had cheated my system too many times. Mula la dapat tanda-tanda macam owang ngadung tapi bila Jepun menyerang Malaya baru aku tau itu hanyalah petanda yang aku craving Ayam Golek Madu Tiga kat depan Pasar Ampangan tuh. Benci!!!

Ada baby best gamaknya...baca Chech punya blog, aku rasa kalau aku dapat bundle of joy, aku pun excited gitu. My world will evolve and revolve around those two lil' feet. Tapi buat masa ini nampaknya kenalah berkongsi kasih dengan hak milik orang.

Hmm well...it seems like Mr. TeddyBaby will be my playmate for quite sometime...

Guys, aku nie late bloomers, maka sapa yang arif bab-bab nak ada bun in the oven tu mai ler kongsi petua. Memang tak malu aku ni tapi I'm desperado amigo!

Oh gosh..this is a real pain in the tut tut.

Masuk Bakul Angkat Sendiri Keluar Sensorang

Taurus About Your Sign...

The Taurean's characteristics are solidity, practicality, extreme determination and strength of will - no one will ever drive them, but they will willingly and loyally follow a leader they trust. They are stable, balanced, conservative good, law-abiding citizens and lovers of peace, possessing all the best qualities of the bourgeoisie. As they have a sense of material values and physical possessions, respect for property and a horror of falling into debt, they will do everything in their power to maintain the security of the status quo and be somewhat hostile to change.

Mentally, they are keen-witted and practical more often than intellectual, but apt to become fixed in their opinions through their preference for following accepted and reliable patterns of experience. Their character is generally dependable, steadfast, prudent, just, firm and unshaken in the face of difficulties. Their vices arise from their virtues, going to extremes on occasion,such as sometimes being too slavish to the conventions they admire.

On rare occasions a Taurean may be obstinately and exasperatingly self-righteous, unoriginal, rigid, ultraconservative, argumentative, querulous bores, stuck in a self-centered rut. They may develop a brooding resentment through nursing a series of injuries received and, whether their characters are positive or negative, they need someone to stroke their egos with a frequent, "Well Done!" Most Taureans are not this extreme though.

They are faithful and generous friends with a great capacity for affection, but rarely make friends with anyone outside their social rank, to which they are ordinarily excessively faithful. In the main, they are gentle, even tempered, good natured, modest and slow to anger, disliking quarreling and avoiding ill-feeling. If they are provoked, however, they can explode into violent outbursts of ferocious anger in which they seem to lose all self-control. Equally unexpected are their occasional sallies into humor and exhibitions of fun.

Although their physical appearance may belie it, they have a strong aesthetic taste, enjoying art, for which they may have a talent, beauty (recoiling from anything sordid or ugly) and music. They may have a strong, sometimes unconventional, religious faith. Allied to their taste for all things beautiful is a love for the good things of life pleasure, comfort, luxury and good food and wine and they may have to resist the temptation to over indulgence, leading to drunkenness, gross sensuality, and covetousness.

In their work, Taureans are industrious and good craftspeople, and are not afraid of getting their hands dirty. They are reliable, practical, methodical and ambitious, within a framework of obedience to superiors. They are at their best in routine positions of trust and responsibility, where there is little need of urgency and even less risk of change, and a pension at the end. Yet they are creative and good founders of enterprises where the rewards of their productiveness come from their own work and not that of others.
They can flourish in many different trades and professions: banking, architecture, building, almost any form of bureaucracy, auctioneering, farming, medicine, chemistry, industry Taureans make good managers and foremen surveying, insurance, education and, perhaps surprisingly, music and sculpture. They make an ideal trustee or guardian, and can attain eminence as a chef. Some Taureans are gifted enough in singing to become opera stars or to excel in more popular types of music (INI TIPU!!!).

They are more than averagely amorous and sensually self-conscious, but sexually straightforward and not given to experiment. They make constant, faithful, home loving spouses and thoughtful, kindly parents, demanding too much of neither their spouses nor children. They can be over possessive and may sometimes play the game of engineering family roles for the pleasure of making up the quarrel. If anyone offends their amour proper they can be a determined enemy, though magnanimous in forgiveness if their opponent makes an effort to meet them halfway.

No other sign in the zodiac is closer to earth then Taurus. The main objective in leading a Taurean life is primarily (though not entirely) to maintain stability and physical concerns. Your inner spiritual sense longs for earthly harmony and wholesomeness. When you fully understand this, and work toward this end, you will no longer need to blindly reassure yourself with external possessions and comforts. A realization that finding this inner peace will cause all of the above mentioned positive things will overtake you and your life will be very full.

Ultimately the Taurean needs to discover their truest, deepest and highest values. When they know what is truly valuable, they are no longer chained to people and to things that have to do with lesser values. The greatest indication of value to a Taurean is beauty, which cannot be owned, only appreciated.

Possible Health Concerns...

Taurus governs the throat and neck and its subjects need to beware throat infections, goiter and respiratory ailments such as asthma. They are said to be at risk of diseases of the genitals, womb, liver and kidneys, and of abscesses and rheumatism. Because their body type has an inclination to physical laziness, Taureans can be overweight.


* LIKES Stability
* Being Attracted
* Things Natural
* Time to Ponder
* Comfort and Pleasure

* DISLIKES Disruption
* Being pushed too hard
* Synthetic or "man made" things
* Being rushed
* Being indoors





PROBLEMS THAT MAY ARISE FOR YOU, AND THEIR SOLUTIONS

As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Taurean you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.

PROBLEM: Having feelings of being used and manipulated, led down the garden path and made a sucker of.
SOLUTION: Realize that your magnetism attracts negative as well as positive influences. You need to choose your friends, not let them choose you.

PROBLEM: Physical things start loosing their appeal, and you feel more and more out of touch with the world around you. You stop caring so much about how much money you have among other physical concerns.
SOLUTION: You are starting to discover an inner harmony that is trying to replace the physical with spiritual. You must let this grow without killing the part of you that provides sustenance for your family.

PROBLEM: Unexplained fear of loss, jealousy and a paranoia that others are out to get you.
SOLUTION: You have within you the ability to not only attract faithfulness, but also the intellect to see what is truly going on around you. You are loosing faith in both of these personal traits. Rebuild that faith.

PROBLEM: Feeling depressed with life. Disgusted and dissatisfied. People around you are little comfort. You feel that life lacks meaning. Easily addicted to physical pleasures.
SOLUTION: Revisit and realize the value of spiritual things in life. Take control of your life by realizing it is not the things in life that are important, but the spirit behind it all.

Hubby Yang Ikhlas Tapi Kejam

Semenjak aku meninggalkan Ascott untuk meleburkan diri dalam bidang pengKerajanan ini, aku rasa macam dah kena 'erased'. Tah macam mana nak explain benda ni tapi aku rasa macam aku me'delete'kan diri ku supaya boleh blend dengan orang-orang yang bland with no life di tempat kije aku yang maha hebat tu. Selalu rasa macam nak tampar diri sendiri when I catch myself talking enthusiastically about jualan hari jumaat di C6. Erk...what happen to fashion,cosmetics and movies. Boleh tak macam nak pengsan when i caught myself mengikuti tv series Melayu yang before this tak pernah pun aku nengok semata-mata tak nak tertinggal dalam conversation ngan makcik-makcik kat opis. huuuuu...cedera parah nih.

Dan ditambah plak ngan boss besau yang gabak egonya dan jahat mulutnya, maka aku telah giat berkecimpung dalam dunia pemakanan. Den makan sampai lolah.. dahsyat sekali aku. And kerana kuat melahap itew ler, aku yang dulu memakai baju saiz 0/XXS kini telah sihat walafiat dan segar bugar sebagai gadis pinggitan saiz L. Banyak baju terpaksa dilelong di ebay. Sesapa yang berminat silalah contact aku. Stock MNG, ZARA dan yang sewaktu dengannya melambak. Nak bagi kat charity, hari tu guardian umah nak yatim tu bagitau diorang tak terima dah baju second hand. Kalau nak sponsor baru tak pe. Chitt! Eksyen lebih dari aku..

Jadi, balik semula pada keadaan aku, pada satu hari sabtu yang indah aku pun telah disound oleh Che Abe ku sewaktu aku dengan lahapnya memakan set 1/2 chicken Nando's. Memula aku tak paham dengan renungan dia tu..aku ingatkan apa tetapi rupanya dia kesal tak dan nak nengok potensi aku untuk sesaiz dengan dia sebelum kahwin dolu. Soalan dia simple jek tapi menyayat hati "Did you know that you look like mini Jumbo?" Adush...kill kill die die. He cut me deep, man.

Untuk dua detik aku terdiam ler pastu aku telah meletus penuh amarah. Konon-konon nak divert ler ketermaluan aku tapi nampaknya dia sungguh kebal sekali. He know which button to push and how to pierce with his words. Maka berlakulah pertempuran yang penuh giler. Last-last sekali, dengan lagak selambanya dia kata " It's okay if you feel happy being fat. If it liberates you from stereotypical aesthetic demand then lavish yourself. One fat wive will not hurt when you'll have another hot,sexy and thin one." Dengan kata-kata hikmat itu dia pong keluar berjalan-jalan.

Hmm..nampaknya aku jek yang suke dia gumuk. I thought the feeling is mutual :(
Dengan penuh kesedihan aku pun melantak sebakul Baskin Robins ...at least maui brownie tu low fat gamaknya..

Oh ho.. I just realize..hubby ku Ihklas tapi Kejam. Nazi!!!

Aku Yang Jeles...

Sejak ekonomi dunia merundum, aku telah dirampok kebebasan untuk bershopping online. Maka ebay yang menjadi penyeri hidup ku yang sepi-sepie ini terpaksa jarang-jarang dikunjungi. Temptation is the worst pain in the tut tut .

So, sensing that I am going bonkers (tak pe yusna, withdrawal symptom jek tu) maka aku telah membuat lawatan virtual terhadap teman-teman yang maha akatif berblog. Ingatkan nak seronot-seronot je tetapi tetiba aku telah menjadi 'hijau' dengan tahap kejelesan yang melampaui batas.

i feel so slupid (slow+stupid). rasa macam dinosour pun ade..aku dah le tak pandai cybertech sume ni...kengkawan ada pun dah makin pupus. Telefon tidak, mesej jauh sekali (Hmm sejak dah tue nie, senang benar terasa hati) maka untuk ambik tahu pasal mike-mike yang buat tak tahu ni aku pung ingin menceburkan diri dalam blogging-blogging gitu..

Dah taip sesikit nie macam best ade, macam kelakar pun iye. Mana tak nya, skill rating dalam berblog ni dari 1 to 10 aku kasi -1 (hampeh bonar). tapi yang syoknya, walaupun rasa macam cakap sengsorang tak de sapa akan kata aku giler. Cool lagi ada... (Masa kecik-kecik dulu nenek aku marah cakap sengsorang, ada kawan halimunan tapi sekarang sapa yang malu? Aku dan keluarga mentua aku jugak..)

Anyway, harap-harap lepas ni tak delah aku membazir masa meluahkan rasa kepada CC aku yang setia mendengar demi menjamin markah LNPTnya. Boleh ler aku pun jadi seperti dewa-dewi blog mengasah skill dan meluahkan segala bon bon ku tanpa prejudis...

Walaupun aku telah tue tapi seperti kata John Medina (Brain Rules) " Age does not matter unless you are a cheese". Oleh kerana aku bukan cheese..aku pedulik hapa....

To be continued...beef stew gue dah mengelegak atas dapur...got to go isi tekak dulu..HUHUHUHU