Setelah Sekian Lama...

Setelah sekian lama, akhirnya dapat gak aku mencuri tulang dan membazir masa kat pejabat untuk menghupdatekan blog ini. Lama rasanya tak berketuk-ketik meluahkan perasaan di ruangan cyber nih..Jika tidak kerana medcham yang meninggalkan komennya tuh, rasanya dah berabuk cyber closet aku nieh...

Anyway, nothing new...Same Shit Different Day jugak..aku dengar ramai yang dah di konfermkan lepas PAC hari tuh..aku gak yang ketinggalan. Nak buat camana, HR aku baru terhegeh-hege nak buat perakuan untuk aku. Pelik jugak, pasal tang PTD lain kat jabatan ni cepat jek semua urusan. Aku sorang terkonting-konting...padahal akulah PTD yang paling baik kat sini...wakakakakaaka. Wei, aku tak kasi masalah kat orang lain tau..orang jek yang banyak dump masalah kat aku..

Kalo anak tiri, anak tiri la jugak. So kengkawan yang dah dapat konferm and dengar kata ada yang dah di offer naik M48 (ye ke?)..tahniah le aku ucapkan. Aku pung tumpang gembira jugak..moga-moga nasib baik hangpa terkena tempiasnya pada aku ni. Aku nie sebenarnya cuak jugak kalo dengar nak move ke gred yang lebih tinggi nu..bukan apa, secara optimisnya aku nie pesimis. Aku memang tak de cecita tinggi menggunung nak jadik KSU dan yang yang sewaktunya tuh...for me, as long as aku boleh survive hingga bersara, dapat menikmati faedah persaraan secara sempurna, sudah syukur alhamdulilah. Survive sampai dapat makan duit pencen bulan-bulan tu cukup lah....

As for now, kalau aku mampu bernafas kat Jabatan yang kucintaik ni dengan aman pun dah kira bonus. i do hope aku boleh keluar, jumpa masalah baru, penyelesaian baru, orang baru, belajar benda baru dan semua serba-serbi baru.Sungguhpun gitu, nampaknya macam harapan tipis jek. Biarpun tak disayangi/disukai, aku yang kurang cemerlang ni masih diperlukan sebab tak de sapa nak datang sini...wakakakaka. Sedih betui..ni nasib daripada tak de, boh sajalah. hahahaha...tak sempat gilap potensi diri ni..

hehehehe..aku sense yang aku dah start merapik. tak de focus point dalam blog ni so better aku stop.

akhir kata..ada sesapa nak dok kat Jabatan aku tak?

2 LATE 4 TEARS

Death knocked on a bedroom door.
"Who is there?' the sleeping one cried.
"I'm Angel Izrael, let me inside."

At once, the man began to shiver
As one sweating in deadly fever.

He shouted to his wife
"Don't let the Angel take my life."

"O Angel of Death, I am not ready yet
My family, on me depend
Give me a chance to go back and mend."

The Angel Knocked again.

"O Man, it's your soul that I require
I come not with my own desire"
Bewildered, the man began to cry
"O Angel, I'm so afraid to die."

"Let me remain here as your slave,
Don't send me to the grave."

"Let me in, O Man" the Angel said.

"Open the door, get up from your bed,
You can't stop me from coming in
Angels can go through objects thick and thin."

The man held a gun in his right hand
Ready to defy the Angel's stand.

"I'll point my gun towards your head
You dare come in - I'll shot you dead."

By now, the Angel was in the room
Saying " O Man, Prepare for your doom
Foolish Man - Angels never die
Put down your gun and do not sigh
Why are you afraid - tell me O Man
To die according to Allah's plan?"

"O Angel, I bow my head in shame
I Had no time to remember Allah's name
From dawn till dusk, I made my wealth
Not even caring for my spiritual health.

Allah's commands I never obeyed
nor five times a day I ever prayed
A Ramadhan came and a Ramadhan went
But no time had I to repent.

The Hajj was already obligatory upon me
But I would not part with my money
All charities I did ignore
Taking usually more and more.

Sometimes I sipped my favourite wine
With flirting women I sat to dine
O Angel I appeal to you
Spare my life for a year or two.

The laws of The Quran, i will obey
I'll begin Shalat - this very day
My fast and hajj I will complete
And keep away from self-conceit.

I will refrain from usury
And give my wealth to charities
Wine and unlawful women I will detest
Allah's oneness I will attest"

"We Angels do what Allah demands
We cannot go against His commands
Death is ordained for everyone
Father, mother, daughter and son.

I'm afraid this moment is your last
Now be reminded of your past
I do understand your fears
But it is now too late for tears.

You live in this world
Two score or more

Your parents you did not obey
Hungry beggars, you turned away

Your two ill-mannered, female offsprings
In nightclubs for livelihood they sing
Instead of making more Muslim
You made your children non-Muslim

You ignored the Adhan (Call to Prayer)
Nor did you recite the Holy Quran
Breaking promises all your life
Backbiting friends and causing strife.

From hoarded goods, great profit you made
And your poor workers, you underpaid
Horses and cards were your leisure
Money-making was your pleasure

You ate and ate, and grew more fat
With the very sick, you never sat
A little donation, you never gave
That could a little baby save

You thought you're clever and strong
But O Man, You've done enough wrong.

Paradise for you? I cannot tell
The disbeliever will dwell in hell
There is no time for you to repent
I'' take your soul for which I am sent."

Adopted by Dr Y Mansoor Marican, Ph.D from "Operation Death" by G.H.E. Vanker
www.islamalways.com)

once and for all...just STOP!

"Racist? Who? Me... What the hey?"

Itu le reaksi tergezut beruk aku bila dilabel dengan tag 'panas' tu. Salahnya? Aku cuma komen, orang Melayu ni, memang dari dulu sampai la lekat dengan sikap dan sakit PhD...ada jek alasan untuk bercerai roboh. Kalau tak pasal asal keturunan, sibuk dengan sikap kenegerian..kalau tak pasal harta benda, sibuk dengan rupa paras..dan sekarang ni, dah le tak bersatu dari segi politik, senang-senang pulak memperkotak-katikkan soal agama. Kenapalah energy hitam kepam dan busuk tu tak difokuskan kepada sesuatu yang positif macam menjana kecemerlangan ekonomi ke, pendidikan ke or at least mengukuhkan ukhwah sesama ummah?

and hanya kerana itu aku dipanggil rasis terhadap bangsa sendiri? well...mate, ko tu sangat tidak adil. Betul, ilmu agama aku tak sedalam mana tetapi siapa yang berdosa bila riak dengan ilmu agama lalu dengan mudah melabel dosa pahala orang? who are you to play God? Kita tahu ke nasib orang lain lebih dari nasib sendiri di akhirat kelak. Sirah dan sejarah banyak membuktikan, tambah pula kalu digali dengan Al-Quran, bahawa ada orang yang kita takrif sebagai sejahat-jahat umat masuk ke syurga kerana kebaikan sebesar biji sawi. jadi, dari jadi judgemental terhadap orang sekeliling, bukankah lebih baik bermuhasabah diri?

Dan kemelayuan aku..kenapa perlu dipersoalkan? Hanya sebab keturunan ko dari dulu sampai sekarang darah melayu tak pernah bercampur dengan pakistan dan cina maka itu sebabnya ko lebih melayu dari aku? or adakah kerana aku berkahwin dengan lelaki berlainan bangsa dan kewarganegaraan maka aku dengan mudah dilabel pengkhianat bangsa?

Aku sayang Melayu, walau dari kecil tok nenek dan keluarga aku sering diejek, dicela dan dicerca orang yang kononnya 'Melayu'. Even before Paki become another four letter word, aku dah pedih telinga dengar orang mengata. Biarlah datuk aku datang jauh merantau, taat setianya dia tak pernah menjaja keburukan orang. Kalau pun kami makan capati lebih dari nasi, tak semestinya lidah kami pelat tak macam orang yang makan sambal belacan dan masak lemak cili padi.

And just because laki aku cakap Melayu pun tak reti, jangan ingat le ko boleh sesuka hati nak halau aku dari bumi Malaysia ni. Aku rasa dah sampai masanya mata kita dibuka luas untuk melihat lebih jauh dari spektrum warna kulit dan bangsa. Kenapa tak boleh jadi Bangsa Malaysia? Aku sedarlah ada hak dan kepentingan yang nak dijaga tapi kalau benar sangatlah kita sayangkan negara tanah tumpah darah kita ni, kena masih harmoni dengan cara yang tidak sihat? teringat kata-kata adibah amin (if i'm not mistaken) kita harmoni kerana selalu beralah dan mengelak. kita terlalu berhati-hati agar tak melukakan orang lain walau diri berdarah tak berhenti. this is where, aku rasa, kalau kita benar-benar hayati maksud perpaduan, patriotisme dan kemerdekaan, kita boleh hidup aman damai tak kisah apa bangsa dan agama. When we know how to respect others, than we can build trust and nationhood. kalau salah kena accept le salah, kalau betul sama-sama jadikan amalan. jangan cepat melatah beb.

tapi kalau dengan orang sebangsa pun kita sibuk nak tunjuk lagak ayam laga... tak payahlah laung-laung semangat cinta negara, bangsa dan agama. Dok lah di takuk lama, berkokok cerita yang sama. Maka sebab tu bila dah terkulat-kulat, dengan senang wak lu je nak tuduh aku rasis dan fasist.

Hmm...aku bukan Nazi. Aku neo-Malay. it's time to shut up your bloody mouth dan accept hakikat...aku pun melayu jugak.

Adios.

MY FEELINGS IN A NUTCASE

ANAK KECIL MAIN API

Anak kecil main api
Terbakar hatinya yang sepi
Air mata darah bercampur keringat
Bumi dipijak milik orang

Nenek moyang kaya raya
Tergadai seluruh harta benda
Akibat sengketa sesamalah kita
Cinta lenyap diarus zaman

Indahnya bumi kita ini
Warisan berkurun lamanya
Hasil mengalir ketangan yang lain
Peribumi merintih sendiri

Masa depan sungguh kelam
Kan lenyap peristiwa semalam
Tertutuplah hati terkunci mati
Maruah peribadi dah hilang

Kini kita cuma tinggal kuasa
Yang akan menentukan bangsa
Bersatulah hati bersama berbakti
Pulih kembali harga diri

Kita sudah tiada masa
Majulah dengan maha perkasa
Janganlah terlalai teruskan usaha
Melayukan gagah dinusantara

Tribute 2 The King..

Perhaps this post come a lil' too late as the the final farewell has taken place yesterday with live telecast from the Staples Centre, Los Angeles. However, let's just say that it took time to recover from the shocked his death brought me...

Ever since the news of his death, there were lot of rumours on his faith. Some may say he's Jehovah till the last of his breath, but lot more will claimed that he died as a muslim.

Thus, this is what trigger me to post something on all this huhaa. I guess not only tons are obssesed with his life, but many more are obsessed to Muslimize MJ. This made us muslim being perceived as being thirsty for big names to join the list of those who embraced Islam. World had seen the same obsession with Lady Diana Spencer after her passing in 1997. My say on this is..let the man rest in peace. His faith has nothing to do with us...it is between this king with the King of all King. Our only hope is we will be given a good ending to our own life.

Just as a food for our thought..let us share the reflection on this topic by digesting the khutbah by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi as below:



Shaykh Yasir Qadhi commented on MuslimMatters :

"I gave a khutbah at a masjid yesterday, the second half of which was dedicated to the passing away of Michael Jackson. Before the rumors spread even more, let me clarify explicitly what I said:

I mentioned that there are lessons to learn from his life, and from his death. This was a man who was handed the keys to this world, yet he failed to find happiness through them. He was always a troubled person, searching for happiness in (sometimes) eccentric ways. This shows that true happiness does not come about through this life.
- The unexpectedness of his death is also a lesson for all of us; we all have our appointed time as well.
- I said that there are plenty of signs, insha Allah, that he has accepted Islam. I have met Jermaine Jackson at the GPU conference (he’s not a ‘friend’ of mine because we’ve only met once) and he had said that Michael was interested in Islam.
- I also mentioned, based on Imam Zayd’s article and other sources, that there are trustworthy sources that indicate he had accepted Islam in LA, and we hope the best for him and pray that he did in fact accept Islam.Such statements have a tendency to ‘grow’ as they leap from blog to blog and mouth to mouth, so I want to state very clearly that I have no direct and explicit knowledge of his state of Islam; we merely hope the best insha Allah, and there are may positive signs for this.Lastly, and on a personal note, I thank Allah that He saved me from ever becoming addicted to music. However, growing up in the 80s, I could not save myself from its smoke even if Allah saved me from its fire! And of the very few people whose music actually impressed me and allowed me to see and feel why people are so attracted to music is MJ. I remember watching some of his videos as a kid and couldn’t help be impressed by his moves.For those who have never tasted the sweetness of the Quran, I honestly cannot expect them to understand why music is haram. They have nothing else to compare it to. Music is a powerful medium that moves the body and stirs the soul (literally and metaphorically). It is only because we have the Quran that we can state that the way music does this is more detrimental in the long run, and only the Quran can move you in a pure and dignified manner.A dear friend, Shaykh Abu Eesa, wrote something about this which is a must read on the subject:http://alternativeentertainment.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/dealing-with-skeletons-in-the-closet.

I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.
Yasir "

Lemau...

Hari ini seperti biasa bila ada lapor diri maka kehidupan di ofis akan jadi havoc giler. Setelah bersusah payah menyiapkan segala benda termasuklah PO yang macam nak pecah kepala disediakan, terpaksalah mengadap muka yang cun (eheks!) ni menguruskan rusa-rusa yang baru nak masuk kampung tuh..

Bila part-part macam ni teringatlah pulak masa first day melapor diri ke tempat 'hangat dan hangit' ni. I still remember perasaan yang berdebar-debar report duty...alih-alih bila mai, depa kata tak mau M41. Adush...terasa diri yang hot ni menjadi lemau serta merta. Bengang ada, sedih pun iya.

N'way, berbalik pada hari kejadian..ramai le yang tak sabar-sabar nak menunggu muktamar penempatan mereka. Spekulasi tentang mana yang diorang patut dapat tu tak yah le cerita. Ada yang siap nak belanja kalau reveal penempatannya sebelum release PO. Hmm..nasib baik akak berintegriti. Banyak lagi benda yang perlu difokuskan agar hidup selesa di opis bertuah ini.

Selesai taklimat, sebagaimana yang dijangka, keadaan lagi bertambah havoc. Macam-macam jenis manusia dengan pelbagai cerita datang mengharap belas ihsan supaya ditukarkan mengikut kemahuan. Tapi apa kan daya..keputusan bukan ditangan beta. 'Saya yang menurut perintah' itu jek jawapannya. Itu pun nampaknya membuat ramai yang bengan dan bengong. Ada plak yang sanggup menggugut nak berenti kerja. Hmmm...aku peduli apa. Yang penting aku jalankan kerja sebagaimana yang diarahkan.

Tapi nampaknya...dalam gawat-gawat ekonomi ni masih ramai manusia yang tak sedar diuntung. Kesian dengan orang yang betuk-betul nak kerja tapi tak berjaya. Ni dah dapat, berlagak pulak.

Moral of the story nye..orang bodoh ramai berlagak sombong. Perasan benar dirinya orang mau..tapi tak sedar dia sebenarnya LEMAU. Moga-maga aku tak tergolong le dalam orang begitu dulu, kini dan selamanya...

Gud nite!

Kursus Oh Kursus

Semalam yang penuh sejarah sengalnya aku dapat berita bahawa permohonan aku untuk pi program pertukaran belia di Korea tidak dapat mencapai idealnya iaitu GAGAL. Sedih memang le sedih..rasa macam tak de gratification gitu. dah le asyik terperuk kat opis jek. Tapi yang meluap-luapkan api menyampah dan sengalnya adalah kerana seorang hamba Allah yang meng'check' status aku tu sound baik punya. Dia kata "ngape yeop, markah interview rendah giler? Dengar cerita kawan sendiri jadi panel. Takkan tolong sikit pun tak dapat. Ngepe, kome tak reti bersosial ngan manusia lain ke? Itu le kome, sombong bebenor. Ate, sekarang begini ceritenya, melepas le kome nak tengok negara para para sakura tu".

Ish...kalau tak dikenangkan ajaran mak bapak, memang teman pok kan aje mulutnya. Tak pelah...nak buat cemana? Dah nasib tak de rezeki lagi nak terbang ke negara pengeluar Samsung tu. Insha Allah, ada rezeki esok lusa, ke Paris, Turki, Eropah bagai teman berjalan sakan.

Nasib baik jugak le hari yang sama surat tawaran kursus di INTAN tiba mengubat luka. dapat jugaklah berkampung seploh hari di Bukit Kiara nu. Tak de le tension melayan karenah species yang sombong mangkuk hayun yang ramai melata kat opis ni.

Hmm...tension-tension gini ebay jek ubatnya...

Cuti Sakit

Hari ni aku cuti sakit. Semalam aku selemo (ayat nenek aku yang bermaksud selsema) agak kronik...sok sek sok sek sampai abisleh 3 kotak tissue tuh. Ingatkan nak balik awal sebab sah terpengsan masa rehat tapi kerana beban kerja yang sangat mendera, terpaksalah aku tunggu jugak hingga pukul 6 petang. Balik umah terus tertidur. Nasib baik la hubby di umah, rasalah dikasihi sket.

So, hari ini aku pun dengan selamba badaknya mengambil cuti sendiri. Aku sms KPPK dan CC tak de jawapan. Bangun-bangun pagi dah kul 9.00..maka dengan miong-miong beraninya aku pun terus tertidur. Petang sensorang di mahligai indah ni aku dapat le tunjuk skill domestic aku. Hmm...hilang stress nengok umah cantik bersih.

Jadi sebenarnya, apa masalah aku? Aku rasa maha painful nak ke pejabat esok. Walaupun aku benar-benar sakit dan stress, trust me semua orang akan buat aku guilty concious kerana telah EL hari ini. Aku benci bila suma buat aku rasa bersalah hanya kerana aku menjadi seorang manusia yang lemah sistem imunisasinya akhir-akhir ini. Well, i'm bending backward to please all the worker bees and the kingpin(s) here jadi kenapa perasaan aku selalu terdera bila aku bercuti?

I need to disappear...oh smucking tut tut...no wonder it's hard for me to conceive. Tolon...tolon...

My Self Worth

Hari ini untuk kesekian kalinya aku sangat bingung mengevaluasi akan self worth diri sendiri. I feel like i have given my all, pushing myself to a level I never knew exist only to prove that I am worth to live, eat and sleep on government's payroll. Bosan dan tertekan.. i so hate and love this place.

So, melayan kesedihan hati sambil menonton Kath and Kim ni sedikit sebanyak buat aku rasa tenang le sket. After this 'How I Met Your Mother' plak. It's always a black monday until TV time. Hmm..perhaps I should follow advice mantan PBP AGC untuk mencebur dan meleburkan diri dalam bidang penyiaran nih. Tapi mengenangkan azan solat tah kemana suatu waktu dahulu bila sibuk di konti and mixing studio, perhaps ada baiknya untuk terus ditindas dan diperas. Apa-apa pun bersabar itu separuh dari iman..

Though don't get me wrong, it's not I am not happy working there. I am glad to know people I have known, to go through the hurdles and to be part of the dynamic system that made the organisation even all i did is dotting the 'i' and crossing the 't'. tapi ada waktu dan ketika rasa memang rasa nak belajar ilmu ghaib supaya boleh menyendiri. My mind is so not used to be cluttered so rasa begitu tut tut dan slupid bila didesak-desak dengan pelbagai perkara. Macam mana lah nak survive sampai bersara?

Hmmm..camno?

Kawan...

Rasanya dah begitu lama tak update blog luahan rasa ni. Nampaknya begitu sibuk menguruskan kehidupan yang tak terurus dan kerjaya tak berapa berjaya nih. Anyway, dalam sibuk sibuk berkhidmat untuk negara, sempat gaklah berFB. Dapat gak menyambung silaturahim yang terputus ngan kengkawan zaman UiTM dulu...

Hmm bercakap pasal kawan, I just realised the brutal truth. I have nobody yang boleh diklasifikasikan sebagai BFF. Orang yang ku sangka sahabat rupanya musibat, yang dikatakan taulan cuma kenalan dan yang tak ingin didampingi sibuk menghantui. Hmmm...no wonder aku sangat kacau jiwa.

Anyway, tak pelah. Friendship ni perlukan chemistry dan trust. Just like any other relationship, ia juga tak mampu berdiri teguh kalau dibina atas janji separuh hati, hanya manis dimulut tapi pahit dihati. It has to stand the test of time, distance and all the painful tut tut so u know what it's worth.

Well, in my case, the request for kali haldi has reveal the ugly truth. What a tut tut in a crazy bon bon..sangat memarut hati. Anyway, just to respect the existence of the so-called friendship, aku akan berkabung mati untuk 3 hari. Not that it matter anyway..

Sayonara my friend(s). We have come to the junction of totally different path. I'll always cherished the memories. It was good while it happened...

Benci, Bosan dan Bengang

Today is supposed to be TGIF tapi pepagi lagi (seperti biasa) begitu ramai parasit di tempat ini yang mengoyak-ngoyakkan hati ku. Benci betul bila apa yang kita buat hanya untuk tolong orang-orang yang tak tidak tahu (atau tak boleh?) mengenang budi. Bosan bila kena buat benda bodoh yang sama tiap-tiap hari and bengang bila kena marah pasal benda yang dah awal-awal diklasifikasikan sebagai impossible-but-you-have-to-do-cos-I-instruct-you-so. Oh My God...I just hate all this.

So, untuk melegakan ketenangan otak dan kekacauan jiwa ni lebih baik aku baca buku London Call Girl yang sangat menarik ni. Hmmm...my book selection sangat explicit lately. Guess MTV have influenced my system. Kehidupan hedonistic memang tampak menarik dan rileks...Oh deng!..ken deflux..ingat dosa pahala yusna!

Today My 31st B-day!

Hehehe..Hepi Besday to me...

Dah menjenguk umur 31 aku nieh. Walaupun udah tua bangat itu, rasanya dengan penuh kegembiraan menginjak ke setahun usia. Harap-harap dengan pertambahan angka itu bertambahlah takwa, iman, ilmu dan amal.

Well, pagi-pagi bangun mengharap ucapan dari hubby tapi hampeh. Lupa lak Ustaz ni akan mentazkirah aku tentang benda-benda duniawi lagi bidaah ni. Macam bengang la jugak...bukannya aku berparti berorgy sambut umur baru...tapi nak buat camne. Macam mak aku yang penuh wisdom kata, sabar jelah, dah itu yang aku hadapkan tetiap hari. Bapak aku lebih selamba "itulah, penyakit cari sendiri".

Hmmm...nampaknya setiap orang mempunyai persepsi sendiri tentang besday nih. For me, it's not about celebrating and gifts giving, tapi lebih kepada welcoming the new era of your life. Yelah, when we look back to the past year (s) kita akan lebih bermuhasabah diri..lebih bersyukur we have gone through shits and shine, grow up and grow old lalu menjadi apa yang kita jadi hari ini. Dengan berbekalkan pengalaman yang sikit, itulah perisai kita dalam mengatur kehidupan masa depan.

And to say the least, itu jugaklah time untuk ponder tentang apa yang kita nak buat tapi masih tak terbuat, yang kita harap kita boleh buat sebelum terlambat. We old people usually never have regrets for what we did, but certainly we'll regret for things we didn't do. With that said, harap-harap tahun ni bolehlah aku belajar menjahit.hehehe...cita-cita nak jadi domestic goddess tu masih belum tercapai lagi. There were time when I hope being me is a career in itself, but that subject will require entire post devoted to it...

Apa-apa pun, terima kasih untuk yang memberi ucapan tanda mengingati..especially kawanku yang comel lagi best iaitu Khairolin Ismail. That's one regret I have..not to know her earlier when we were schooling together di Convent yang gah dan gemilang tu. Tapi masa tu K-lynn golongan brahmin so guess God have His own plan. It happened when it should...Apa pun I will cherished the friendship...

Oh God..I love myself and people who love me. Moga tahun depan hidup akan tambah bererti..Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin..

Same Shit Different Day..

Don't you just hate it when you think that today it gonna be waaaaaay different than yesterday and then...plop! the mother of all shit drop down and smashed your beautiful day into little shattered pulp fiction? I know I am not making sense here..but what is the point when you are the only one trying to?

Burn out...that's what I feel. Not that I'm not grateful with life, job, self, etc...but sometimes I caught myself asking, what's more to life that I don't know? Why don't the smart arse bloke came up with Life 101 for dummies? It's so hard...

Today at work BB blasted off for the stupidest, crudest, spit-in-your-face mistake. I know being creative, innovative, proactive and all the tiffs are required to be the among the shining stars in my line of job. But how could you expect someone to file a letter received at 4.30pm yesterday (05/05/09) on 4th of May? I'm not one of the lucky bastards who get the Early Edition for God's sake! And try to explain that in the most civilized way, you'll be brand as snotty and rude. Too much pain for crying out loud...

At any given day, I believe artificial intelligent beats real stupidity...

Sleeping Around ....Book Review Lah!

Oleh kerana tahap tension yang maha tinggi telah melanda aku.. aku pung mengambil langkah proaktif untuk me'wushaaa'kan diri. I kicked off my shoes, laid back and pop some chill pill... lalu membaca buku ini. Sangat teruja lantaran tajuknya yang explicit gitu...

All in all, it's a good read untuk orang-orang yang tidak begitu deep (aka shallow) seperti aku nih. Yesh...I have no problem admitting that I am not one of the high flyers biarpun menjawat jawatan idaman 85% rakyat Malaysia. And sex is always intriguing... I hate to love it but, I love it! Wakakaka..bak kata k-lin, ni blog aku, aku punye suke la nak tulis apa. Salah spelling ke..grammar dah tunggang langgang ke..suko atie den lah. Kalau agak-agak nak ngutuk silalah jangan baca...it's that simple.

Well, balik semula kepada buku yang explicit contentnya ini..kononnya ni kisah benarlah seorang nymphomaniac yang more often than not, turn on hot 24-7 macam oven rosak when it cum to sex. Tapi dalam busuk-busuk cerita dia pasal kehebatannya berenang di atas katil, size of men best buddy, flying solo bla...bla...bla...aku sangat tertarik dengan cara dia menaakul relationship between males and females or anything in between. Dan sudah pastilah..insan lemah seperti aku ini akan sangat fascinated dengan kebolehannya menjadi narcissist. How I wish I'm that cold...and that hot. Hmmm...dunia ini memang tidak adil..

Anyway..antara wisdomnya yang sedikit sexually charged that I like to quote adalah seperti berikut. Let's have your brain mulling constantly and who knows, if you did pick up this book by yourself later, you will know that I am not that self-absorbed (bak kata adalah-umat-perasaan-baik-tapi-hati-tapai-tuh). So..enjoyzzzz!

" ...with males and females, confidence is key. You want someone who can hold your eye in conversation and who has manners, holds the door open for you and remembers the little touches. They will be considerate in bed. After all, the bedroom is really an extension of how things are going in every other room"

I agree..emotional intelligence is so VERY important...

OCD - PARANOIA!!!

I think I'm suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder. Guess i have to learn how to take the chill pill... I am paranoid all the time and petty things can really drive me up the wall right to the ceiling and beyond. Omigosh! I just hope to break free from this feeling.

Perasaan paranoia ini sangat menyusahkan kehidupan aku baik di ofis mau pun di rumah. I always feel like i am at the verge of becoming a serial killer. Aku rasa burn out dan sangat depressed. Which in a way, as explained by the ob-gyn is what caused me difficulty to be impregnated by my beloved hubby. I feel so alone and scared, worried mostly of the time and i always feel people love to hate me. It is not normal, is it?

And to make matter worse, aku mempunyai staff yang sangat 'baik' lagi ' lembab lembut'. It drives me crazy... procastination is the way of live around here. Scarry enough, being idle has worsen my condition. i need help but I don't know how...

I just feel like killing myself. But that is ignorant and shalow, to think that the problem ends with the last breath... Oh God..Help me to help myself. I just want to live in peace and harmony...even if my life is only a plain vanilla......

It's not worth..

"Sometimes in life, you try and fought so hard for someone, something...yet at the end of the day, it is not worth the battle...

Sometimes, when you thought you have waited long enough just to get the timing right with that person you give your heart and soul to, you just realized you have just let you life passed you by...it's not worth the wait

Sometimes when you thought you finally found the happiness you are looking for, you are washed away with misery..realizing that life has played a very cruel joke right to your face. It is not worth the pain..

And sometimes when you thought you want to spend the rest of your life with that one person, you are confronted with the brutal truth that the feeling is not mutual. You are only a choice of convenience..It's not worth the sacrifice..

Love, it never REALLY exist. It's only a tiny speck of dust in a big black box full of conditions...It's not worth believing"

Sad but True,
Mytheana

Hijab and Me

Hari ini, pada 9 April 2009 yang bersejarah ini, hubby telah tanya satu soalan yang sangat tidak daya aku menjawabnya. Dia tanya bila agaknya aku nak pakai hijab? Erkkkk..sensitif tu. Aku tak tau nak kata apa..

It's not me untuk buat sesuatu kerana insan lain. I am my own principal for the longest time I remember. Bukanlah aku nak menderhaka pada suami atau pun saja-saja suka nak mengingkari suruhan Tuhan tapi, I have my own ideal. Aku tak nak le pakai tudung, tutup rambut tapi hati busuk bangkai. Ada je orang yang bertudung tapi kalau ngumpat pasal aku, aduh... Tuhan ajelah yang ampunkan dosa kamu. Bukannya aku tak tahu siapa mereka-mereka tu..

Anyway, bukan semua macam tu. Cuma, aku tak tahu lah sama ada aku bersedia atau tidak. It's too hard. Tapi bak kata hubby, nak tunggu bersedia, sampai bila-bila pun tak akan datang moments tu. A devil's play katanya. Betul ke?

Susahnya aku rasa. I know, benda ni kena banyak bersabar supaya spirit memakai hijab tu dapat diamalkan sepenuhnya. But how?

Ada sesapa ke berminat nak menghulurkan khidmat nasihat dan bantuan guaman?

Hmm..cerita ceriti hujung minggu

Today, seperti biasa aku kena menyiapkan kerja-kerja rumah seperti membasuh baju, menggosok pakaian, cuci tandas dan lain-lainnya. Yang menjadi masalahnya bila aku agak boring, aku pun tinggalkan vacuum cleaner tengah hal dan dok di depan komputer. Konon-konon nak lurking jek kat ebay tapi ada je yang menarik hati yang rapuh ni.

Anyway, satu penyesalan minggu ini ialah kerana second guess my decision untuk tidak membid pada sebuah beg Gucci Guccissima Brit. Dah le starting bidnya sangat rendah iaitu RM3.61. No reserve price plak tu. Memang le kalau nak kira dengan shipping costnya akan buntang mata hubby ku tapi jika ditimbang-timbang pembelian di KLCC maka lebih ekonomi. Rasa nyesal pun tak berguna...

Hari ini juga aku telah keluar bersama seorang teman sekerja di Ascott dulu. Dia makin kurus sementelah aku pulak bagai di pam-apm. Sangat tension rasanya. Udah le disindir dan dihena kerana tidak lagi memakai saiz 0, tapi apa kan daya...tahan jek lah telinga.

And I seriously need to loose all this ugly fat. Self esteem makin merundum walaupun number di weight scale makin meningkat. Saat-saat ini rasa seperti nak buat surgery jek tapi lepas kes orang koma dan kemudian menemui ajal sebab sedut lemak, aku jadi agak ragu-ragu pulak. Memang le nak cantik tapi kalau mati sebelum sempat bertaubat, bagaimana nasib di akhirat kelak?

Cakap pasal mati ni, aku ada terbaca cerita di sebuah buku Chicken Soup for Lover's Soul. Dlm cerita tu mamat seorang ni selalu kata dia nak hidup dan mati bersama isterinya. Dia selalu le kata kat kawannya (tukang cerita) yang kalau kita set kan keinginan kita dan kecintaan kita dengan tulus ikhlas, maka tuhan pasti akan memberi kita apa yang kita mahu. Nak dijadikan cerita, isteri dia sakit dan kemudian koma. So setiap hari semasa melawat isterinya, dia akan bisik pada isterinya yang dia minta tuhan matikan dia bersama-sama ngan isterinya. Kawan dia agak skeptikal la sebab mana ada orang boleh minta-minta lak ngan tuhan nak mati camna dan bila. tapi pada satu hari ini, hospital pun call le mamat ni kata wife dia dah meninggal dunia. dengan tenang, dia pun pi nengok wife dia. dia minta untuk bersendirian ngan wife dia. nurse ni pun tinggalkan le dia. tapi lepas 15 minit mamat ni tak keluar-keluar, dia pun check. Dan korang boleh agak tak apa jadi? Dia pun telah meninggal sambil memegang erat tangan isterinya. Aku sedih gila baca buku ni...

dan saat-saat macam ni, rasa rugi jek masam-masam muka pasal hubby lupa tutup lampu bilik air pagi tadi...

Ya Allah, ampunkanlah hamba-Mu.

Hari Ini - TGIF

Hari ini aku rasa sangat gumbira dan best. Masa bangun pagi tadi malas tahap dewa. Sampai jek kat pejabat, rasa lega sebab keja 'balaci' semalam telah selesai dengan jaya nya. Tapi perkabaran dari CC mengatakan ada ura-ura kelompok NgokNgekKeplaKemek nak menghuru-harakan lagi service matter untuk memuaskan nafsu materialistik mereka.

Bila agaknya orang nak sedar sebenarnya kerja juga memerlukan rewards yang bukan monetary semata-mata?

Anyway, masa turun bersarapan, telah jumpa sahabat lama yang gegila dan geliga kepala otaknya. Sampai hatimu Ezri kata aku sudah tidak HOT lagi. Pernah ke aku hot sebelum ni? Cheh..kalau ku tahu aku pernah dalam kasta brahmin tuh..tak yeh le aku bermodesty-modesty.Hehehe..ingat pesan mak bapak Yusna, apa ada pada rupa kalau takde budi bahasa. Keh keh keh..

Tapi tak pelah kalau tak hot pada mata orang lain pun. As long as hubby ku redha dengan pilihannya ini, aku alhamdulilah jek. Aku sedar sekarang ni aku telah bergiat aktif menjadi peternak lemak berkelompok..well, demi kemaslahatan bersama, akan aku usahakan untuk menslimkan diri ini kembali ke size xs seperti dolu. Allahhuakbar..itu kira jihad gak tu. Nak mencantikkan diri untuk suami..boleh dapat calon isteri mithali ke tahun ni? Ehehks..

Dan my highlight of the day ialah aku telah menerima panggilan dari seseorang yang jauh di mata tetapi sentiasa dekat di hati. Kalau ditanya definisi perhubungan kami, susah untuk aku klasifikasikan. aku sayang dia, obeses pasal dia, aku care tapi i know better yang kami tak boleh hidup serumah dan tidur sekatil sebagai suami isteri yang sah. Usia turut jadi penghalang..keh,keh,keh. Senang kata, sebenarnya tak de jodoh dan tak de chemistry. Itulah hakikatnya....

Kepada orang itu, kalau nak jejak kaki nanti di Tanah Air yang bertuah lagi indah permai ni, sound le awal-awal, I can cook up a strom....Ribut le dapur aku nanti.

Fruit bastard...sedapnye!!!

Bengang Pada Yang Bengong

I am not a natural rebel tapi a series of unfortunate events pada pagi yang supposedly indah has driven me to the edge. Rasa down giler...am I not good enough? Have I not done enough just to shut those potty mouth yang menuduh aku tak reti kerja. Well I am not a lawyer (don't want to be one anyway) tapi aku ada akal fikiran, hati dan perasaan. Yang menyebabkan aku berbuku jek adalah keangkuhan manusia-manusia bengong yang menganggap mereka bijak laksana. Puii..

Yang buat aku lagi menyampah ialah, kalau dah tak reti pasal HR tu, yang dibuat sampai menyusahkan hidup orang apa ke jadahnya? Susah sangat ke nak pi minta signature untuk approve permohonan aku nak pi training? Yang bestnya, kursus JPA tu JPA lah yang sponsor, yang dia tak kasi atas alasan tak de dalam budget jabatan apa hal? Bukan duit kaum kerabat dia yang akan dipakai. Sekarang aku rasa sangat down... tak de personal enrichment langsung menghambakan diri kat opis ni. Dah le ari tu makcik keluarkan kenyataan yang menyayat hati.. buat aku rasa tak dihargai langsung, ni nak mohon pi kursus pun nak kena buat research dulu. PTD kalau tak tolong PTD, lawyer apatah lagi. Tersisih lah aku dalam opis yang dingin sedingin hati manusia-manusia beku tu.

Anyway, berbekalkan semangat kental yang diwarisi dalamn genetik ku.. I decided not to get mad - I'll get even.

Ha..tunggu la korang!!!

Hari Ini

Hari ini aku telah keluar makan lunch ngan Zu setelah sekian lama tak bersosial di waktu rehat. Than I received a surprise call dari kawan yang aku agak sayang jugak la..K-Lynn yang baru sahaja selesai bermeeting di Putrajaya. Sangatlah terharu dengan kesudian dia berjumpa aku, meluangkan masa bertanya khabar, berborak-borak dan ngumpat-ngumpat (no harm done) walaupun telah tersesat untuk ke food court UNITEN. Kat sana gak aku telah terjumpa Astar dan Sufirdaus (aku ingat nama ko!). Hmm...setelah hampir empat tahun berkhidmat dalam service ni, makin payah nak keep in touch ngan semua orang. Tapi aku ni pun bukannya pandai sangat nak mingle-mingle ngan satu batch nie. I know ramai yang ingat aku sombong tapi sebenarnya kalau dah kenal, inshaAllah korang setuju aku ni comel lagi baik hati.. Wakakakakah.

Hari ni jugak aku telah menghantar ke tailor sepasang sari unggu hadiah seorang teman yang sangat aku rindu. Orang itu nampaknya masih tahu akan taste aku yang agak exquisite nih (hahaha..angkut bakul tu sensorang Yusna). Tersanggat happy kerana ingat gak dia kat aku yang sering melancholic ni.

Dan hari ini jugak, aku telah berjaya mengaplikasikan dark psikologi aku kepada seorang minah ngok ngek kepala kemek di pejabat yang boring ni. Dari nak mengenakan aku, secara ala innocentnya aku telah berjaya meng-U-turnkan niat jahatnya kepada diri dia sendiri. Sonang hati den. itu le kekadang aku benci ngan orang sejenis sekaum ni... macam mana nak maju kalau belajar tak tinggi tapi ada PHD? Cubalah hidup bersama aman damai di muka bumi ni tanpa cuba nak tabur pasir dan simen dalam periuk nasi orang yang kekadang besar periuk tapi ciput isinya. Kalau tolong dapat gak pahala. Ini tidak, jahat dan keji pulak tu. Mujurlah Allah beri aku petunjuk dan hidayah untuk menangkis anasir jahat dia dengan kebijaksanaan akal dan ketulusan budi..chewah! Aku haraplah lepas ni dia akan berhenti membuat noda dan dosa kepada hidup insan-insan lain, seterusnya memfokuskan energi dia untuk menyiapkan kertas kerja pada masa yang ditetapkan.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin..

Oh Schmucking Tut Tut!

I just realized that if I spent more time in front of my TV exercising with fitness videos than browsing through numerous pages of EBay, I can gradually loose this baby fat that is not so phat at all. On the other hand though, I will not be able to hone my bidding skill which is, given the circumstances of my life, is such a big loss. Hmm... no wonder my bank account suffer deficits even before the end of the pay day.

Tetapi, tahukah anda bahawa shopping online ini bukan sahaja addictive tetapi sangat seronot? Tak payah pakai baju lawa-lawa, tak de sales girls lulusan SPM memandang remeh dengan muka kerek semata-mata kerana anda tak leh nak memilih sama ada nak lipstick Dior colour brown fig atau nude beige. Lagi pun tak de le kengkawan yang buat muka ngeri kalau tahu yang kita baru jek habiskan beriban untuk beli sebuah beg tangan yang ada tajuk & original. It's a simple pleasure yang exhilirating giler. It's best done solo....hampir-hampir pengsan bila berjaya bid authentic Coach Hampton for a friction of cost.

Anyway, aku tau ada yang skeptical. Tapi belum try belum tau. Silap-silap ada plak yang boleh jadi E-bayholic macam aku nanti..

Hmmm...apo nak di kato?

Hey, it's OK...

.... to be entirely unapologetic about your hermit streak. (What are you, a socialite?)

.... to order an uncool drink at the bar. Virgin Mary, anyone?

.... if you've got a teeny-weeny crush on your best friend's boyfriend. Acting on crush : not OK!

.... to put real thought into decorating your cubicle. Hey, you kind of live there.

...to check yourself out in the mirror the second you get home from the gym, and think hello Skinny!

... to pig out and regret later.

.... to shop at F.O.S or Reject Shop. It's your money, who cares?

.... to cry when you watch Hindi movie.

.... to be different in everything. So what if you like to wear underwear over your pants? Superman do it all the time and still cool. For God sake's, he's a Superhero.

.... to be fashionably late sometimes .

.... to be broke in the middle of the month and still go out shopping for makeup/clothes or perfume. You deserve a treat for such hard time!

.... to be fat and still think you are sexy. I do!

I Believe.....

"I Believe......"

.... that sometimes when everything's going wrong, the best thing to do is sleep.

.... that you should never make someone a priority when they see you as an option.

.... that men are as emotional as women, and women are as sexual as men - we just have different ways of showing it.

.... that friends walk in the door when everyone else walks out.

.... that when you find the right career, it doesn't feel like you're working.

.... that snail mail from a friend beats an e-mail, Facebook message, voice mail or sms any day.

.... that it hurts when you love someone so much, be it friends, family or spouse.

.... that if you are thin, you'll be appreciated more cos most people are shallow, judgmental, insensitive.

.... that if you save the money spend shopping in Ebay, you can have exotic vacation annually.

.... that everybody needs a massage for their ego from time to time. It feels good.

.... that everybody have insanity streaks in them.

...that everything in life is about timing!

Story to Share, Life to Ponder

My Loveless Marriage

Why divorce wasn't the answer to my emptiness.

Judy Bodmer

(This story has been edited however due to religious issues. But I hope, whatever our Faith and Belief is we share what God has created for mankind - LOVE and HOPE)

I lay in bed staring at the darkness. My husband, Larry, was snoring softly beside me. We'd just had another fight. I could hardly remember what had started it, but I knew we'd both said ugly, hateful things. Nothing had been resolved. We'd just gotten tired. Now he slept and I lay here, feeling utterly alone.

I crawled out of bed to check on our two sons. David, such a handful while awake, looked like an angel even though his face was sticky from the ice cream he'd eaten earlier. I pulled Matthew's covers back on his small body and smoothed his blond head. He needed a haircut. Working full-time, with two small sons to referee and a house to keep clean, I never had enough time to do it all.

Something drew me to the window. I could see the lights from downtown Seattle. So many people. What were they doing? Were they as lonely as I was? Was there anyone out there who cared? God, I cried, help me find the strength to leave.

Hitting the Wall

After ten years of marriage, I wanted out. Our love hadn't died in the heat of this battle or any other battle. It had died at the bottom of a wall it couldn't climb.

Our love hadn't died in the heat of the battle. It had died at the bottom of a wall it couldn't climb.

I remember clearly the day I laid the first brick. We'd been married nine months. We went to a movie and I waited for Larry to reach over and take my hand, thus proving the magic was still there. But he didn't and, as the movie progressed, I grew hurt and angry. He shrugged it off, surprised I was upset over such a little thing. To him it was nothing; to me it was the first sign our love wasn't perfect.

As the years passed, I added more bricks. When we were first married, he called me every day from work. But slowly those phone calls grew further apart and finally stopped. When I brought it up, he started calling again, but it wasn't the same. When we watched TV in the evening, he'd fall asleep. When we went out for dinner, he couldn't think of anything to say. His days off were measured by how much he got done—chores, work, and the children took priority. I got the crumbs, and I was starving.

I felt guilty for feeling the way I did; he wasn't abusive, he didn't run around with other women, he didn't drink or do drugs. He came home every night and worked hard to support our family. Despite this, the wall grew, built with bricks of buried anger, unmet needs, silences, and cold shoulders. The marriage books we read made things worse; counseling confused the issues.

Divorce seemed like the only answer. It would give me a chance to start over and find the right person. Yes, it would be hard on the children, but when I was finally happy, I'd be a better parent. In the long run, it would be better for all of us.

Divorce's Price Tag

Before taking that big step, I asked myself some key questions. First, would a divorce make me happier? Somewhere I read that people who divorce tend to remarry the same kind of person, that the root of unhappiness isn't in the people we marry but in ourselves. When I looked at my husband, I knew this was true. The trait in Larry that drew me to him—his calm exterior—also drove me crazy. He never complained, criticized, or caused a fuss. The downside was that when situations arose when he should get angry, he didn't. Once he was cheated in a business deal. I wanted him to confront the man who'd lied to him, but he wouldn't. His love of peace kept him from standing up for himself, making me think he was a moral marshmallow. But if I divorced Larry, I knew I'd marry someone with his same peaceful demeanor. And if I did, my problems would be multiplied by his kids, my kids, child support, and custody battles.

I took a long, hard look at the single mothers I knew. They were exhausted and lonely. There was no one to help soothe crying babies, entertain toddlers, shuttle kids to practices, or help with the house, yard, and car.

Could I afford a divorce financially? The average divorce, according to my paralegal friend, costs about $12,000. My salary was good, but when I looked at our household expenses, there would be hardly enough money to live on, let alone extra money to pay lawyers.

Would my children really be better off in the long run? I looked at the children of my friends who'd divorced. Many of these kids started getting into trouble: staying out all night, drinking, doing drugs, and running away. Most of them were angry and blamed themselves for their parents' split. They took it out on their mother. The father became the hero because he wasn't doing the disciplining. Instead, he brought presents, bought a hot car, and took them fun places the mother couldn't afford. Studies show that even 25 years after a split, children can still have significant emotional problems stemming from their parents' divorce.

What about my friends? I assumed they'd be there for me, but was I being realistic? Four of my friends divorced in one year—I didn't see any of them now. Two of them disappeared, one began leading a lifestyle I couldn't support, and another dated men I didn't care for. Even with the best of intentions, if I divorced, I'd probably lose many, if not all, of my friends.

God showed me I might escape my current pain, but in the long run, divorce extracted a high price. One I wasn't willing to pay.

Fanning the Flames

But I refused to settle for the status quo. From experience, I knew I couldn't change my husband. There was only one person I could change: me. I tried new things—taking a writing class, asking a new friend to lunch, volunteering at school.

I discovered love isn't a feeling but an action. I decided to treat Larry with love, even though I didn't feel like it. Instead of pointing out his shortcomings, I told him the things he did right. Instead of reading books to see what Larry should be doing differently, I read to discover how I could be a better wife, mother, and friend.

My change in attitude had an amazing effect on Larry. He began spending more time with me. When I stopped overreacting to his comments, he felt freer to share more with me.

Rekindled

The love I thought had died didn't return in a week, a month, or even in a year. There were times I wanted to give up. But I clung to God's promise that he would give me the desire of my heart.

One weekend Larry and I went away. Before we left, we prayed and drew a line in the sand. Everything that had happened before was over; this was a new beginning. That weekend I experienced a new passion for my husband. The flame I thought was dead was rekindled.

At night when we lay curled up together, I reach over and touch him just to reassure myself he's still there. The love I have is strong. It's born out of suffering and obedience. The pain, tears, and struggles to get to this point were worth it for these rich rewards. There is hope for loveless marriages. Our relationship is living proof.

When Someone You Love Don't Care

When Someone You Love, be it a friend, family or spouse don't care, it rips out your heart and yet you can't bring yourself to hate them. Instead, it make your pathetic self longing for their attention, hoping they will realized that you are still there, peeking around the corner of their life to show that you care. You want to be there, to be everywhere for them. To be something, anything and everything for them. You want a small chunk in their life because you make a big space for them in your heart which leave not even a single room for someone else, even you know they DON'T CARE.

O My God... this is a real pain my pathetic tut tut :(

What is our deepest fear?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Emoticon La Pulak...

Hari nie seperti biasa, I have the whole house to myself. Che Abe sebagaimana rutin Jumaatnya telah keluar bersosial dari saat selesai solat Jumaat hingga sekarang which is like 4.00 am. Semenjak bergelar isteri ni, kehidupan sosial aku semakin pupus. Duduk ler aku dalam umah ihsan Kerajaan setiap malam sepi sepie. Nasib baik ada "macam-macam ada' menemani. Not that I'm complaining tapi ada kalanya teringin gak nak pie open house Hajah Rokiah..

Anyway, dalam aku surf macam-macam chanel terlekat plak pada satu cite berkenaan teenage mom. Sedih lah pulak...aku nie teringin bebenor nak jadi emak. Tambah-tambah lak semenjak Mariah bersalinkan Aqlan nieh. Walaupun aku over dari emak kandungnya, dia tetap anak buah aku jek. Kekadang ghase tension and putus asa ler pulak. Tambah-tambah lagi kalau pi jenjalan, orang asyik tanya "tak ngandung lagi ker?". Hek eleh, dolu aku tak kawin sibuk, nie aku dah kawin skema jawapan dah berubah pulak. Macam nak je ku cilikan molot insan yang tidak pernah makan penampar itew.

I want offsprings so bad that i had cheated my system too many times. Mula la dapat tanda-tanda macam owang ngadung tapi bila Jepun menyerang Malaya baru aku tau itu hanyalah petanda yang aku craving Ayam Golek Madu Tiga kat depan Pasar Ampangan tuh. Benci!!!

Ada baby best gamaknya...baca Chech punya blog, aku rasa kalau aku dapat bundle of joy, aku pun excited gitu. My world will evolve and revolve around those two lil' feet. Tapi buat masa ini nampaknya kenalah berkongsi kasih dengan hak milik orang.

Hmm well...it seems like Mr. TeddyBaby will be my playmate for quite sometime...

Guys, aku nie late bloomers, maka sapa yang arif bab-bab nak ada bun in the oven tu mai ler kongsi petua. Memang tak malu aku ni tapi I'm desperado amigo!

Oh gosh..this is a real pain in the tut tut.

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Taurus About Your Sign...

The Taurean's characteristics are solidity, practicality, extreme determination and strength of will - no one will ever drive them, but they will willingly and loyally follow a leader they trust. They are stable, balanced, conservative good, law-abiding citizens and lovers of peace, possessing all the best qualities of the bourgeoisie. As they have a sense of material values and physical possessions, respect for property and a horror of falling into debt, they will do everything in their power to maintain the security of the status quo and be somewhat hostile to change.

Mentally, they are keen-witted and practical more often than intellectual, but apt to become fixed in their opinions through their preference for following accepted and reliable patterns of experience. Their character is generally dependable, steadfast, prudent, just, firm and unshaken in the face of difficulties. Their vices arise from their virtues, going to extremes on occasion,such as sometimes being too slavish to the conventions they admire.

On rare occasions a Taurean may be obstinately and exasperatingly self-righteous, unoriginal, rigid, ultraconservative, argumentative, querulous bores, stuck in a self-centered rut. They may develop a brooding resentment through nursing a series of injuries received and, whether their characters are positive or negative, they need someone to stroke their egos with a frequent, "Well Done!" Most Taureans are not this extreme though.

They are faithful and generous friends with a great capacity for affection, but rarely make friends with anyone outside their social rank, to which they are ordinarily excessively faithful. In the main, they are gentle, even tempered, good natured, modest and slow to anger, disliking quarreling and avoiding ill-feeling. If they are provoked, however, they can explode into violent outbursts of ferocious anger in which they seem to lose all self-control. Equally unexpected are their occasional sallies into humor and exhibitions of fun.

Although their physical appearance may belie it, they have a strong aesthetic taste, enjoying art, for which they may have a talent, beauty (recoiling from anything sordid or ugly) and music. They may have a strong, sometimes unconventional, religious faith. Allied to their taste for all things beautiful is a love for the good things of life pleasure, comfort, luxury and good food and wine and they may have to resist the temptation to over indulgence, leading to drunkenness, gross sensuality, and covetousness.

In their work, Taureans are industrious and good craftspeople, and are not afraid of getting their hands dirty. They are reliable, practical, methodical and ambitious, within a framework of obedience to superiors. They are at their best in routine positions of trust and responsibility, where there is little need of urgency and even less risk of change, and a pension at the end. Yet they are creative and good founders of enterprises where the rewards of their productiveness come from their own work and not that of others.
They can flourish in many different trades and professions: banking, architecture, building, almost any form of bureaucracy, auctioneering, farming, medicine, chemistry, industry Taureans make good managers and foremen surveying, insurance, education and, perhaps surprisingly, music and sculpture. They make an ideal trustee or guardian, and can attain eminence as a chef. Some Taureans are gifted enough in singing to become opera stars or to excel in more popular types of music (INI TIPU!!!).

They are more than averagely amorous and sensually self-conscious, but sexually straightforward and not given to experiment. They make constant, faithful, home loving spouses and thoughtful, kindly parents, demanding too much of neither their spouses nor children. They can be over possessive and may sometimes play the game of engineering family roles for the pleasure of making up the quarrel. If anyone offends their amour proper they can be a determined enemy, though magnanimous in forgiveness if their opponent makes an effort to meet them halfway.

No other sign in the zodiac is closer to earth then Taurus. The main objective in leading a Taurean life is primarily (though not entirely) to maintain stability and physical concerns. Your inner spiritual sense longs for earthly harmony and wholesomeness. When you fully understand this, and work toward this end, you will no longer need to blindly reassure yourself with external possessions and comforts. A realization that finding this inner peace will cause all of the above mentioned positive things will overtake you and your life will be very full.

Ultimately the Taurean needs to discover their truest, deepest and highest values. When they know what is truly valuable, they are no longer chained to people and to things that have to do with lesser values. The greatest indication of value to a Taurean is beauty, which cannot be owned, only appreciated.

Possible Health Concerns...

Taurus governs the throat and neck and its subjects need to beware throat infections, goiter and respiratory ailments such as asthma. They are said to be at risk of diseases of the genitals, womb, liver and kidneys, and of abscesses and rheumatism. Because their body type has an inclination to physical laziness, Taureans can be overweight.


* LIKES Stability
* Being Attracted
* Things Natural
* Time to Ponder
* Comfort and Pleasure

* DISLIKES Disruption
* Being pushed too hard
* Synthetic or "man made" things
* Being rushed
* Being indoors





PROBLEMS THAT MAY ARISE FOR YOU, AND THEIR SOLUTIONS

As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Taurean you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.

PROBLEM: Having feelings of being used and manipulated, led down the garden path and made a sucker of.
SOLUTION: Realize that your magnetism attracts negative as well as positive influences. You need to choose your friends, not let them choose you.

PROBLEM: Physical things start loosing their appeal, and you feel more and more out of touch with the world around you. You stop caring so much about how much money you have among other physical concerns.
SOLUTION: You are starting to discover an inner harmony that is trying to replace the physical with spiritual. You must let this grow without killing the part of you that provides sustenance for your family.

PROBLEM: Unexplained fear of loss, jealousy and a paranoia that others are out to get you.
SOLUTION: You have within you the ability to not only attract faithfulness, but also the intellect to see what is truly going on around you. You are loosing faith in both of these personal traits. Rebuild that faith.

PROBLEM: Feeling depressed with life. Disgusted and dissatisfied. People around you are little comfort. You feel that life lacks meaning. Easily addicted to physical pleasures.
SOLUTION: Revisit and realize the value of spiritual things in life. Take control of your life by realizing it is not the things in life that are important, but the spirit behind it all.

Hubby Yang Ikhlas Tapi Kejam

Semenjak aku meninggalkan Ascott untuk meleburkan diri dalam bidang pengKerajanan ini, aku rasa macam dah kena 'erased'. Tah macam mana nak explain benda ni tapi aku rasa macam aku me'delete'kan diri ku supaya boleh blend dengan orang-orang yang bland with no life di tempat kije aku yang maha hebat tu. Selalu rasa macam nak tampar diri sendiri when I catch myself talking enthusiastically about jualan hari jumaat di C6. Erk...what happen to fashion,cosmetics and movies. Boleh tak macam nak pengsan when i caught myself mengikuti tv series Melayu yang before this tak pernah pun aku nengok semata-mata tak nak tertinggal dalam conversation ngan makcik-makcik kat opis. huuuuu...cedera parah nih.

Dan ditambah plak ngan boss besau yang gabak egonya dan jahat mulutnya, maka aku telah giat berkecimpung dalam dunia pemakanan. Den makan sampai lolah.. dahsyat sekali aku. And kerana kuat melahap itew ler, aku yang dulu memakai baju saiz 0/XXS kini telah sihat walafiat dan segar bugar sebagai gadis pinggitan saiz L. Banyak baju terpaksa dilelong di ebay. Sesapa yang berminat silalah contact aku. Stock MNG, ZARA dan yang sewaktu dengannya melambak. Nak bagi kat charity, hari tu guardian umah nak yatim tu bagitau diorang tak terima dah baju second hand. Kalau nak sponsor baru tak pe. Chitt! Eksyen lebih dari aku..

Jadi, balik semula pada keadaan aku, pada satu hari sabtu yang indah aku pun telah disound oleh Che Abe ku sewaktu aku dengan lahapnya memakan set 1/2 chicken Nando's. Memula aku tak paham dengan renungan dia tu..aku ingatkan apa tetapi rupanya dia kesal tak dan nak nengok potensi aku untuk sesaiz dengan dia sebelum kahwin dolu. Soalan dia simple jek tapi menyayat hati "Did you know that you look like mini Jumbo?" Adush...kill kill die die. He cut me deep, man.

Untuk dua detik aku terdiam ler pastu aku telah meletus penuh amarah. Konon-konon nak divert ler ketermaluan aku tapi nampaknya dia sungguh kebal sekali. He know which button to push and how to pierce with his words. Maka berlakulah pertempuran yang penuh giler. Last-last sekali, dengan lagak selambanya dia kata " It's okay if you feel happy being fat. If it liberates you from stereotypical aesthetic demand then lavish yourself. One fat wive will not hurt when you'll have another hot,sexy and thin one." Dengan kata-kata hikmat itu dia pong keluar berjalan-jalan.

Hmm..nampaknya aku jek yang suke dia gumuk. I thought the feeling is mutual :(
Dengan penuh kesedihan aku pun melantak sebakul Baskin Robins ...at least maui brownie tu low fat gamaknya..

Oh ho.. I just realize..hubby ku Ihklas tapi Kejam. Nazi!!!

Aku Yang Jeles...

Sejak ekonomi dunia merundum, aku telah dirampok kebebasan untuk bershopping online. Maka ebay yang menjadi penyeri hidup ku yang sepi-sepie ini terpaksa jarang-jarang dikunjungi. Temptation is the worst pain in the tut tut .

So, sensing that I am going bonkers (tak pe yusna, withdrawal symptom jek tu) maka aku telah membuat lawatan virtual terhadap teman-teman yang maha akatif berblog. Ingatkan nak seronot-seronot je tetapi tetiba aku telah menjadi 'hijau' dengan tahap kejelesan yang melampaui batas.

i feel so slupid (slow+stupid). rasa macam dinosour pun ade..aku dah le tak pandai cybertech sume ni...kengkawan ada pun dah makin pupus. Telefon tidak, mesej jauh sekali (Hmm sejak dah tue nie, senang benar terasa hati) maka untuk ambik tahu pasal mike-mike yang buat tak tahu ni aku pung ingin menceburkan diri dalam blogging-blogging gitu..

Dah taip sesikit nie macam best ade, macam kelakar pun iye. Mana tak nya, skill rating dalam berblog ni dari 1 to 10 aku kasi -1 (hampeh bonar). tapi yang syoknya, walaupun rasa macam cakap sengsorang tak de sapa akan kata aku giler. Cool lagi ada... (Masa kecik-kecik dulu nenek aku marah cakap sengsorang, ada kawan halimunan tapi sekarang sapa yang malu? Aku dan keluarga mentua aku jugak..)

Anyway, harap-harap lepas ni tak delah aku membazir masa meluahkan rasa kepada CC aku yang setia mendengar demi menjamin markah LNPTnya. Boleh ler aku pun jadi seperti dewa-dewi blog mengasah skill dan meluahkan segala bon bon ku tanpa prejudis...

Walaupun aku telah tue tapi seperti kata John Medina (Brain Rules) " Age does not matter unless you are a cheese". Oleh kerana aku bukan cheese..aku pedulik hapa....

To be continued...beef stew gue dah mengelegak atas dapur...got to go isi tekak dulu..HUHUHUHU