Am I doomed?

Update...

Went for the test yesterday. So nervous, thus had to asked hubby to drive me to the test centre. I came there early because I thought it will give me ample time to relax and meditate. However, destiny has it own scheme for me.

The interviewer came in five (5) minutes after me. Since I'm the only one loyally sitting infront of the room, he asked me to go in with him so we can start on time. I complied and that was the first screw-up. Seeing him preparing all his gadgets make me more anxious. I can hear my heart thumping like african drums. I try to remain calm but I guess the idea of being evaluated, being scrutinized make me so uncomfortable.

So the test begin with simple question that I, being a nervous-wrecked that I am, failed to answer impressively. Conciously, I'm making a fool out of myself. Yet, to further insults my intelligence, I continued the blabbering without substance. I thought it would be a relaxed conversation. But, I only knew it after the test was over that there's a time-cap on your replies. Dear oh dear...I feel like kicking myself so hard till this very moment.

The facial expression of the person sitting across me also did not put any ease. He would throw questions mechanically and had this impatience streaks listening (or is it limited to hearing?) to my answers. I walked out from the room defeated. How could I be so weak to let another soul manipulated my feelings? I so hate it when i doubted myself. But, no one else to blame...I, with my own hands had sabotaged my performance. If only I let it flowed without being judgemental to myself, it would be so easy to digest now.

I don't suffer fools gladly...even if the fool is ME!